Plane and jetway copy


These are days where I wake up in a bed knowing that I won’t be sleeping there again for awhile. Travel days are the most stressful and annoying time for me as a comedian and overall they are not that bad but the more ineptitude and ignorance I see the harder it is for me to not lose my mind. Doing shows, performing onstage, telling jokes… that is all fun and is actually relaxing. It is the getting to the gig which is where the stand up comic actually feels like they are earning their money. 


In the old days for me this involved a tremendous amount of time in cars. Driving from gig to gig, city to city sometimes in nice weather and sometime in horrible blizzards, down pouring rain and once a tornado… it was only an F1 but it was still a tornado!


After writing that last paragraph and remembering some of the hellish travel from yesteryear, I am not going to complain about how there was a kid crying in first class or the old man who spent 3 hours farting on a flight to Miami. 


Instead I want to simply make my time and YOUR time at the airport a bit easier by sharing a little advice:  BE PREPARED!



  • When going through customs keep that form out as you will have to give it to the agent before you leave that area. Can’t tell you how many times I get held up by individuals who are IN THE WAY because they think they are keeping it as a souvenir and somehow put it at the bottom of their bag.
  • Take your belt off and empty your pockets BEFORE you get to the x-ray machine because when you take 5 minutes to remove all these things you are IN THE WAY. Hell, I don’t even put the damn belt on or anything IN my pockets the morning I am flying out. 
  • Once through the X-ray if you can’t get yourself ready in 15 seconds gather your things and walk them over to the seats provided as you are IN THE WAY!
  • You know you will need your headphones/tablet/iPod/eReader/laptop/water/sandwich/pen/whateveryouneedtokilltime so have them READY in the top of a bag that goes under the seat or better yet, in a pocket ready to go. That way you get to your seat, throw your carry-on up top, your personal item under your seat and don’t be IN THE WAY! In my experience most flights leave late because people are stupid and ill prepared once they get into the damn plane. 



Should you fall asleep and drool all over yourself I will take a photo. Feel free to take a picture of me if I am doing the same.



aa Drooling in first class copy

If you ever see me at an airport please feel free to walk over and give me a hug. Chances are I will need it.


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